Attachment, it’s Biological
Attachment is the foundational blueprint of nervous system regulation
By now, many of us are familiar with the concept of attachment and attachment styles. We’ve learned to express that we’re “anxious” or that your “avoidance” is showing up. But what we’re getting ready to explore is much deeper than something we casually share over dinner along with our sun sign.
What gets described as “attachment style” actually corresponds to specific neural pathways and physiological responses connected to how our body seeks to regulate itself in response to dysregulation or stress.
There is deep logic and adaptability behind our way of showing up in relationships. Even if we don’t feel great about our specific go-tos, it is possible to heal so that we feel like we can show up in relationships in a way that feels authentic.
“Attachment” is the language we use to describe connection and how the connection we form with something outside of ourselves impacts our physiology.
This connection allows us to feel that we exist and that we can be regulated, that our needs can be met, and that there’s something “out there” that is benevolent, safe, and trustworthy.
This experience of connection literally shapes our brain structure, establishes neural networks, determines how our prefrontal and orbitofrontal cortex are inhibited or connected, and decides if or how we store, access, and integrate memories, information, and emotion.
Everything about how we sense that there is a “me” and perceive that “me” in relation to the world is biologically informed. Through repetition and a process called “procedural learning”, our brains develop neural pathways to connect and regulate.
Our caregiver’s capacity to attune and respond to our needs in a reliable and trustworthy way created the blueprint for how our body expects to show up in relationship to the world.
If this feels like a lot of pressure on caregivers, it is! While it doesn’t have to be perfect (research shows that 25-30% is actually enough), it does have a pretty massive impact on our experience of the world. Which is why understanding how it goes wrong can help us to have more empathy for our caregivers (who may not have meant to hurt us but may have done so anyway). It can also help us to understand what we may need in the present so that we can have more access to regulation and feeling safe.
Our brains and bodies develop, somewhat predictably, as we move through our first years of life. Before age 3, we rely on the right hemisphere of our brain, which is responsible for emotions, reading body language and facial expressions, and remembering how things feel. All of which fall under what is known as “implicit” or “procedural” memory. In other words, before we turn three, we process the world based on our emotional landscape, creating patterns and structures based on emotional evaluation of safety and danger, which we then store and draw on without conscious effort.
The foundation for these implicit procedures happens through our interactions with our primary caregivers. We actively seek our caregiver’s attention, and they respond by reciprocating.
Understanding that our relationship patterns are based on biological information that might be outdated can help us to intentionally seek out experiences where our nervous systems are able to experience the thing we needed back then.
Because the great thing about brains is that they’re part of our body–which knows how to heal itself (This is called salutogenetics). We’re always adapting to integrate new information and heal, so if we give our brain new information, it can have the effect of going back and resolving the outdated information from long ago.
